need another drink. this is the easiest way
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
it was like eating out sand paper
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
