just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
