Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
