I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
