i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just cut my nipple shaving
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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