I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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