I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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