I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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