I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
