I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
