be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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