She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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