I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
