She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
