i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
