At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
