he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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