And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
