you guys were way drunker than both of me
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
