does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Drunk is a universal language darling
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
