Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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