How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Randomize
