My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
