My underwear smells like fireworks.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
