I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
