I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
