Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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