Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
