YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
