I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
