so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
