i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
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