Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
