I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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