Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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