the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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