Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
