but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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