I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
