she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize