Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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