Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
