I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
