you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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