just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
