just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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