dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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