I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
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