I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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