Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
