her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
