But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We don't watch enough power rangers
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize