So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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