I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
