who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Umm I'm too high to move.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
