You work out of a Hotel?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
