I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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