Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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