Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
