i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
