from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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