"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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