so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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