Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
