i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
