My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
